My husband has been working late. A lot. I have been with my children every waking moment for about 2 weeks now. Doesn’t sound that bad, but every time I go in my room for “quiet time” I hear a knock on my door exactly 3.5 seconds after my bottom hits the top of my mattress. I need some Zen meditation time to clear out my brain or I will go mad. Mad I tell you!
Yesterday was a gorgeous day. Sunshine and 70’s – real fall weather. I have been aching for this! I decided I would go outside and meditate, even if it was only for 10 minutes. I made a plan. That might have been my downfall. Because when I plan, I’m basically saying to myself that I expect to be interrupted and that I need to put some blocks up for the children to have to get through to get to me.
I made dinner. I set it on the table. I said “I’m going outside to meditate”.
Step one: go outside
After wandering around a little I picked a comfy looking spot under a tree and sat down. My flip-flops were bothering me. I took them off. My back was bothering me. I leaned back on my arms and tilted my face up, enjoying the cool breeze.
Step two: connect in
I took a few deep breaths and tried to find that place where all the little daily bothers and tasks don’t even matter. I’m getting good at getting there (thanks to my hypnosis training I think), so it only took a minute.
Step three: ignore distractions
Cars going by. No biggee… I think that may be an ant crawling on my hand. Whatever… Oldest son calling “Mom! Mom! Where are you?!” I’m just gonna ignore that. He’ll see me and realize I’m meditating… I tried to re-Zen. More yelling from the deck. He is not. even. looking for me. Wait… zen… zen… “Mom! Mom! Where the heck is Mom? Guys I can’t find Mom” and oh FOR THE LOVE OF PETE! “I’M RIGHT HERE! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR SOMEONE TO MEDITATE WHEN YOU’RE YELLING CONSTANTLY FOR THEM?!”
Step four: try another time
Anger = not meditation. Meditation over. My son apologized and said “I couldn’t see you and I was worried.” Ding! Aaaaand there’s the guilt. Yep. I just yelled at my son, whileI was supposed to be meditating, and he was only concerned about me.
I feel like the anti-spiritual. But I will persevere! Some day I will be the most astonishing meditator – able to bliss out and tune out in the face of mass chaos.